Reply to My sister has asked me for money. What would you do?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote]But some of the problems have been her doing, of course. She dug her own money hole (with her husband of course). She is unreliable, there is no one else to blame for that. She chose this prize of a guy.[/quote]

What difference does it make whether some of her problems are of her own doing?  She's trying to extricate herself from the situation?  If you don't want to help her, don't, but I don't understand why the fact that she made a poor choice and is trying to move on factors in.[/quote]

actually, it does make a difference, and a big one. a person who has a pattern of poor decisions is likely to keep making the same bad decisions in the future, especially if the person does not, or refuse to, recognize her own responsiblity in the situation.  throwing $1K or $2K at it, would not make any difference.  I think OP is right in thinking about how to best help her sister and given the situation, just give her money is probably not going to help. plus, if the DH has significant funds from his family, she needs to rethink her strategy because $1K or $2K is nothing, it can easily cost tens of thousands.

to the posters who think OP is arrogant: I did not get the impression that OP thinks nothing can never happen to her that can put her in trouble (significant illness, loss of jobs and so on). I think she meant that the dire situation in which the sister is now is mostly the result of her sister's bad choices, choices that OP would not have made. I don't see how this is arrogant. I had in my family an idiot who destroyed his family' finances basically by leaving the grand life he could not afford (luxury cars he could pay for a while until they were repossessed, renting large home until he would be evicted for nonpayment of rent and so on). his kids ended up having to work since high school and he started going back to them every once in a while to beg them to give him money to avoid going banckrupt. he ate up his son's downpayment for a house. after years like this, his son stopped answering the phone, because he knew the father was after his  savings again. there is no way to help people like this[/quote]

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