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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I don't think people are objecting to helping family - I believing helping people is a normal part of family relations. But what I object to, is a sense of entitlement from family members that expect me to help with their children if they need it (and they need it often), but they don't carry the same ethic of reciprocating.

It's one thing to believe that family helps each other out. It's another thing entirely, to think that this goes one-way. One needn't keep score - but everyone doing things for each other, once in a while, is a normal expectation. I stopped doing things for extremely needy family members, because they couldn't seem to set aside a small amount of time (a minute fraction of the time I gave to them), to help me out when I needed it.

An important part of families is to back each other up. Not just have them do stuff for you.
[/quote]

Usually the people I hear make the complaints you're making are people who are either (a) bad at setting boundaries (i.e. saying "no") and/or (b) people who like to play the martyr and agree to help when they can't or don't really want to.

Most of the time if you say "no" a few times or say you can't help, the people stop asking.

But as for reciprocating, you should never agree to do something and expect something in return that isn't explicitly promised.  [/quote]

You're misreading. Expecting a transaction of "I do something for you, so you do something for me" is strange and a bit manipulative. But all relationships are based on reciprocity. All relationships (romantic, familial, professional, etc) operate on the premise of some kind of exchange. It's not about keeping direct score, but understanding that relationships need to be maintained by respecting each others value and worth. For families and relatives, it's about being there for each other - not being there for you and your needs.[/quote]

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