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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would never expect anything.

However, for YEARS, my mother has constantly urged me to give her grandchildren and has said over and over that she would help, provide daycare.

The main reason I haven't had children up until now is because of the daycare issue (availability and expense and trust and the whole nine yards).

Of course, she keeps telling me she will help, but then when I push her on it, she kind of back pedals.

I have a suspicious that she's not the only mother to do this.  And while I would never expect help and would never ask for it, it is completely unfair for a relative (knowing that you're hesitation in having children is the childcare issue) to promise to help and then back down from that when you need the help, especially if you would not have TTC if the offer of assistance was not made.

Relatives and in laws have no right to make you feel guilty for not "giving" them grand children but then not want to help at all.  They should just keep quiet and let you make the decisions that work best for you, even if that means not having children because you know you can't afford childcare and can't afford to have one spouse quit working.[/quote]

You sound overwhelmed right now by the prospect of parenthood.  Is your child brand new?  If so, it gets easier and you may have a different perspective once you start getting sleep again.

I think there is a difference between providing help and providing full time childcare.  I would never expect or even want my parents or in laws to provide full time care for my kids.  The kids are exhausting, our parents are older, and it just isn't good to make family members your employees.  However, my mom has often said that if she lived closer (and she may in the near future), she would love to take the kids for one day a week and be available for backup care.  Her friends have helped their adult children in similar ways.  The backup help would give me major peace of mind and one day a week would help me cut out a lot of nanny overtime expense.  Maybe that is the kind of help your mom had in mind when she encouraged you to TTC?  [/quote]

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