Reply to Why shouldn't I call the bully's parents?

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[quote=Anonymous]I have intervened with bullying twice now with my own DS.  The situations were very different from OP, and maybe I didn't handle it perfectly, but my son felt supported and the bullying stopped.

First time:  7 yo girl (my son's age at the time) on school bus making fun of my son.  Driver had moved girl up to front, but that didn't take care of the problem.  I got on the school bus at my son's stop and loudly said to the bus driver that if a certain girl did not stop picking on my son, I was going to knock on her door and talk to her mother.  I did not approach the girl, but certainly looked in her direction.  No more bullying after that.

Second time:  last day of 5th grade (age 11).  Another boy with a history of bullying behavior physically attacked my son, hitting him several times.  I met with the principal and let the principal know that if it happened again, either within or outside of school, I was contacting the police.  The principal communicated my statement to the parents.  I am not a lawyer and do not know if contacting the police would have done anything ... but it let everyone know I wasn't going to just ignore the problem and wait for it to get better.  Two years later, my son and this other kid continue to completely ignore each other despite attending the same school and riding the same school bus.

My son also takes martial arts and I have given him permission to respond physically to any physical attack.  If he needs to protect himself, I, as his parent, will deal with the consequences and the school.  He has had to do so once and the principal completely supported his actions as self-defense, although the principal acknowledged that it is a tough line to draw and the school system generally expects kids who know martial arts to show restraint, which my son did as he only grabbed the other kids' wrist and twisted while the kid was about to punch.  The other kid though had the gall to complain that my son had hurt him!

Bullying is a tough issue and girls can be more difficult as their bullying behavior can be more psychological.  I think you have to give your kids tools -- good one-liners, how to have a confident walk and gaze, surrounding self with circle of friends, and they need to feel supported by their parents and their school.  'Playing nice' and ignoring don't tend to work.

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