Reply to Do you think you might get divorced once the kids are grown?

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[quote=Anonymous]Disabled poster: your moods will ebb and flow and so I'm sure you will feel better at times, but I sense that your guilt over the 'one really bad thing', calling the cops and kicking him out of your vacation, needs to be aired out.  We do things that we have to do, everyone understands the way emotions overtake rationality sometimes and you did not physically hurt anyone.  I called the cops on my DH for something that was debatably unfair to him (he shoved me once and knocked me down but I was not at all hurt, and now it is on his record).  My son, watching, was horrified at me for calling the cops on daddy.  But when I was able to think rationally much later, I was able to put in perspective and am totally at peace with it.  My husband won't forgive me for it but I recognize now why I had to do it at that particular juncture.  My confidence now (a few years later) that it was a reasonable action under the circumstances means that my husband gets no value when trying to shame me for it, and better yet my son and I have used the situation to talk about nuance, self-control,  and choices.  I know your situation is very different but the point is the same, you felt the need for protection for yourself and your kids, or using something other than words to convey to your husband the depth of your anger and hurt.  Justified or not in 20/20 hindsight, it was not wrong.  Put it in a box and move on to the more pressing matter, how to keep close to your kids while holding on to your own self-worth.  You must do both!  Think of it as a science problem: brainstorm every single option available to you, no matter how ridiculous they sound, and then break them down into positives and negatives.  Put down the actual costs, psychic costs and benefits of each action.  Do you have a sister or friend that could then look it over and see what you might have missed?  I find that I get so flooded with emotion that I can't think effectively and that may be happening.  So try to make it as rational as possible, as if you were observing or assisting someone else in your exact situation.[/quote]

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