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[quote=Anonymous]This would drive me batshit insane, OP.  I'm with you.

That said, I do agree with other posters that the relationship with grandparents and aunt is really precious and will last much longer than that with nanny.  I was a spinster aunt until age 40, and I don't click with my SIL at all, but I love love love time alone with my nephew, and I know it is good for him, so I'm assuming that level of goodwill from your SIL if not your MIL.

Here's my suggestion:

1) If your nanny drives, have your nanny go to GP's house for granny time 2x/week, for 2-3 hours at a time.  This could be time for nanny to run other errands for you, do laundry, etc.

2) Absolutely no visits to your home without you there.  (PP's have found it reasonable, but i share your sensitivity about my privacy and space.  I would feel very violated to have my IL's here, looking through my things, without me.  Seriously, I would divorce over this issue if my DH did not back me up on it.

3) If GP's do not live close or have a baby friendly house, I like the idea of signing IL's up for an activity or meeting at a regular destination place with the nanny, NOT at your home.

I completely understand your reluctance to leave your baby with them for the weekend, or to leave then in your house without you when they have NO respect for boundaries.  I just also know what it's like to be an IL who wants a relationship with the child but doesn't click with the mom.  You don't have to be fond of your IL's for your child to benefit from a good relationship with them, and you don't have to be guilted into spending more time with them when you just want your immediate family around.

Giving IL's baby time while you're at work seems like a good compromise as long as it can be in your terms (not in your house, not spilling over into dinner, etc).  I hope you can strike a balance!  [/quote]

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