Reply to I cringe we women bash other women for being ovewhelmed or lazy or unproductive because...

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]2)  Personally I think the bar is really too low for many women, but I don't push or expect anything of any one else.  The recent, OMG I need to go to a hotel to get away from life  thread is an example.  If you are that burned out from life and your kids than make a change.  Now, many people do have challenges in life that are out of their control, but their reaction is within their control and this is where I judge people. 
[/quote]

I responded on that thread, but left out what was so stressful. In the prior 2 weeks, I watched a family member die, dealt with my father spiraling out of control in reaction to the death, worried about how his drinking would mix with his chemo, managed kids and the funeral arrangements, all while 7 months pregnant.

That's kind of a fucking downer and "whiny", so I just shared about what a nice experience it was to have a night away.

But, have fun with your judging. It sounds like it makes you very upbeat. [/quote]

I'm truly sorry for your loss and went through something similar not too long ago.  It sucked bad, but I realize that these situations are a part of life and I won't be here forever either.  I enjoy it all because I don't know how much time I have left with my loved ones, particularly with my kids and DH.  Life is what you make it for most people.

[b]Also not every single one of those posters had a similar situation happen to them which spurred their desire to hibernate for a weekend.  Several posted that this was an annual event or they would like it to be.  I just find it sad that people want to escape their life instead of enjoying each day.  [/b][/quote]

On the one hand you say that if life gets you down so much, make a positive change.  On the other hand, you criticize people who need a short escape.  Does it occur to you that it's frequently hard to identify exactly what is getting you down, or what kind of change you need to make, unless you can step out of your normal routine and gather some perspective?  [/quote]

It did occur to me, but no one mentioned that so I highly doubt that is what they do with their time while in their time-out.[/quote]

You are exactly what the OP of this thread was talking about.

I am the OP of the "want to go to a hotel by myself for the weekend" thread.  Guess what?  I am awake because I just spent an hour trying to help my very uncomfortable, teething, 10 month old back to sleep.  I love her beyond belief and am happy to be a mom. I don't resent having to wake up at odd hours throughout the night.  But it is exhausting at times, even if I am happy to do it (because being a parent is the best, most important thing I've ever done).

I've got to say, you sound like an unpleasant, sanctimonious, total jerk.

Everyone is different, has different strengths and weaknesses, different challenges, different needs.  For exampke, I have friends that find it very hard to budget and not overspend.  This is definitely not a problem for me, but I don't judge them.  When they talk to me about the things in their lives that they have difficulty with, I don't say, "hey, just stop spending!  It's easy!  Look how EASY it is for me!  What's wrong with you?!".  While I can't always empathize, I can sympathize with them and support them through what they find difficult.  I can be a friend.  Most importantly, I don't judge them.

You seem pretty impressed with your ability to deal with life.  You seem to think that everyone else has the same brain that you do.  Its incredibly lame for you to see virtue in your ability to do things which aren't challenging for you - there is really no virtue in that.  Guess what, everyone is different.  What feels manageable for you might not be manageable for someone else.  Your need for alone time is different from other people's need for alone time.  Your need for something else might be greater than most other people.  Why judge?

The whole point speaks to exactly what the OP of this thread was saying, which you totally seem to have missed.

[/quote]

I didn’t miss the point of the OP, I simply don’t agree with it.  I’m not sure of your point in your whole second paragraph about being up with your teething child.  We’ve all been there with babies and I’m glad you’re happy to do it as a parent.  No one said you resented anything, but it’s just part of life with a baby.  We’ve all done it.

[b]Wow, an unpleasant, sanctimonious jerk!  [/b]No, I just don’t like being around people who look at their life and complain like there’s nothing they can do to change it.  If you have a friend that overspends, than yeah there are real steps that they can take to change their habits.  If your friend complains about it and then says I’m really looking for ways to improve than I’d be all over that trying to help them.  If they simply complain about it and don’t make an effort to change than I really don’t want to hear it.  We all want more than we can afford sometimes.  Get over and take a little responsibility for your life.

I’m not impressed with the way I deal with life, I am impressed and inspired by many people IN my life that deal with adversity and challenges with courage and head on.  I try to learn from those people and inspire others to make changes they are seeking.    I have two friends (that complained about their weight) join a gym with me and I call when I’m going in to encourage them to come with me.  They’ve both lost weight.  Three people in my office have started going back to their gyms, telling me I help them see that they could fit it into their schedules, and we all swap healthy, family-friendly recipes also.  They claim I’ve inspired them to get back into the gym and I tell them they’ve inspired me to eat healthier with their awesome recipes and made cooking skills.  I have a sibling, who barely graduated high school, living in a trailer home with her 3 kids and unemployed boyfriend who I have supported off and on.  They have both gone back to school, have great jobs now, have pulled themselves out of a financial mess and are raising three wonderful kids.  I am in awe of them because they rarely complain, but always look for ways to improve their situation.

I’ve never once judged people on their needs, but rather their actions or inactions.  And why do you assume life isn’t just as challenging to me as it is to you, but maybe in different ways?  Because I look at life differently than you and react different to my challenges you are judging me.  I work hard to maintain an organized, healthy, low-stress, fun life for me and my family while managing a career that I love.  Don’t judge me because I’m willing to find positive people and resources to help improve my life where I think it needs improving, work my butt off for it, and to strive to live each day like it’s my last. 
[/quote]

Um, yes, you are an unpleasant, sanctimonious jerk.  People are allowed to vent and complain, though not to you, apparently.  Venting / complaining and taking action aren't mutually exclusive.  Try showing some empathy.  You're probably not familiar with the word, so Google it.  [/quote]

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