Reply to Everyone says that they are busy with their own lives, no time for me

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[quote=Anonymous]Moving in your 30s to a brand new area is hard but the social component can come together -- it does for many people esp. in this area who move here for jobs.  It will just be slower.  What I can’t figure out is if you’re just having a rough weekend or if you’re always this upset about the situation; it’s totally fine to be upset but you cannot let on.  People want to hang out with people who are fun and happy, not miserable and worried.  Do you have any interest in golf? If you do, I have to imagine that there are women’s groups as well -- maybe put together with the assistance of a golf club/course since there are fewer women wanting to golf; that seems like the kind of activity that will lead to making friends because you will see the same limited number of women over and over. And as the PP said, it is totally a guy thing to spend a half day together and know nothing about the other person; I can’t imagine that women aren’t chatting the entire time.  A book club may also be a good idea -- you don’t see a ton of turnover in that because once people commit to reading a book, they are at least coming to the weeks where that book is being discussed -- so you’ll see the same people over and over; while I don’t belong to a book club, my image is that they become a bit like the one from Jerry Maguire - you talk about the book, drink wine, talk about life etc.  Same with bowling leagues though I don’t know if they are common in this area as much as in small town USA.

I agree with the PP who said don’t spend too much of your effort on people with kids, esp. young ones; they are busy and when they have time, they always want to hang out with others who have kids.  I would reach out to the women you know who are single or married without kids, or people with older kids -- as the people with 10 yr olds are more likely to enjoy couple time as they don’t have to worry about a baby waking them up at 5 am.

I would make all the efforts that people are suggesting and give myself a certain number of months.  Say in 6 months, re-assess and see how things are socially (which may be a good time, as you can throw a late summer BBQ and see if you have enough invitees and how it feels to have them around).  Would you ever consider moving back to the southwest where it sounds like you still have friends and family or to another city where most of your friends have re-located? I don’t know if jobs will allow that and while I normally don’t advocate running away from problems, I don’t see any reason to live your life this miserable either.[/quote]

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