Reply to When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?

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Reply to "When other kids are unkind to your kid, how do you keep emotional distance from it?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Sometimes the moms who see their kids as the biggest victims have the biggest bullies. Careful that you’re not the grown adult causing trauma to a child, not to mention teachers, administrators and others in the community.[/quote]

The moms have bullies? What? How do the moms traumatize teachers and administrators? What on earth?[/quote]

I've seen this too.  The moms who are the most ferocious about protecting their kids and the first to announce that others are being mean to their kid, are so often the ones raising the actual bullies.  Guess what, the other kids are all yelling at your kid to go away at recess not because they're bullying him, but because your kid has spent the past 5 minutes spitting on kids shoes and cursing under his breath at anyone who beats him in a recess game.  It's not every time.... but it's enough times to make me question when a mom storms the school accusing multiple kids of bullying her child, and I usually ask my kid about that child to make sure that child isn't actually the one being nasty.[/quote]

But you're being just as bad! Worse, because you're playing detective and relying on reports of bystanders who might not know the context. In fact in the situation you describe, the kid likely to get labeled as "mean" by other kids is most likely to be the one yelling at the spitting/cursing kid to go away. Because the yelling is loud and direct, and the spitting/cursing may have been done quietly or under the radar. So your kid goes home and tells you the yelling kid was "bullying" someone innocent (they don't know about the spitting or cursing which happened when they weren't looking and was intentionally quiet) and you take it at face value and decide yelling kid is "nasty" without understanding the situation at all.

Oh and here's one I've personally seen -- then yelling kid starts getting harassed by other kids who stick up for the kid who spit and cursed at him, and they gang up (thinking they are confronting a "bully") by calling him names (meanie, bully, etc.). They think they are sticking up for a peer but they are actually ostracizing a kid for sticking up for himself.

Be very, very careful with the tales your kid comes home with of playground conflicts. You are right the victims and perpetrators are sometimes the reverse of who they first appear to be. [/quote]

Go to bed crazy [/quote]

No that was a good post. The moms who gossip with their kids about who is good and who is "nasty" are part of the problem. A lot of parents don't understand playground politics, especially just hearing about it second hand. You should take the stuff your kids tell you about other kids with a grain of salt.[/quote]

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