Reply to MIL asked DH to live with her after FIL’s death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP again.  I guess the reason I’m letting this bother me is because she’s now talking about moving to be closer to us.  Net-net, I think this is a good thing.  But she’s been callously hurtful to my oldest kid in the past, and I’ve never forgiven her for this.  And now there’s a good chance that we’re going to live near each other and see each other a lot.  Her request to DH that he stay with her for a couple months while telling us not to visit reminds me that she doesn’t particularly care for my kids (until they become useful to her, as DH is).[/quote]

She’s a self centered taker and isn’t going to change. She will not give a crap about you or your kids unless you are of use to her. Let DH deal with her but don’t take on 90% of the little kid care because MIL is constantly dragging him away when she moves closer. He’s going to have to learn to say no to her.

Things won’t be the way she dictates. For example, she gets invited over to dinner at a time and day that’s appropriate for the kids schedule and adults work schedule. Dinner is something simple or takeout. Kids go to bed at a normal time. MIL goes home at predetermined and agreed upon time. What doesn’t happen is that MIL chooses the most inconvenient time and day, adults have to leave work early, kids have to skip activities, wifey cooks a state dinner served on fine china of recipes dicted by MIL which MIL proceeds to criticize, MIL is chauffeured to the house, MIL stays for hours sipping de cafe coffee while over tired kids bounce around and MIL is chauffeured home.

Second example, he will have to say no to being at her beck and call. She can Uber to appointments. He isn’t leaving work for every appointment. If she buys a house, he is not her landscaper or repair man. She has to hire someone for those services. She needs to know this upfront before thinking ooh I’d prefer a house and my son can just do the upkeep! No need for a condo, I’m a special princess.

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