Reply to MIL asked DH to live with her after FIL’s death

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I also did not read OP’s post as being horrible. MIL is grieving and is probably anxious about living alone for the first time in decades. While her request is understandable, it is not at all reasonable. I would be upset about it as well.

Op, does your husband have siblings? Is anyone else helping out? What does your husband say about this?[/quote]

DH is an only.  [b]FIL has close relatives in the area, but MIL didn’t and doesn’t want their help, I don’t know why.  She kept the diagnosis from them, and they found out only when FIL’s cousin showed up at my ILs’ door unannounced a few days before FIL passed.  Basically FIL’s family members got worried about no contact from ILs, so cousin drove two hours to their house to make sure they were okay.[/b]  MIL also refuses to have a memorial service in their area, even though that is where all of FIL’s relatives live.  She said she will have one in our area even though we are the only ones out here.  FIL clearly has family members who cared for him, and I would be devastated if I were one of them.  This is pretty typical behavior of MIL.  DH doesn’t agree with MIL’s decision, but he says it’s up to her.

DH is planning to go back to MIL in a couple weeks to help her out.  I know he wants to be there for her, but after spending two weeks with her and dying FIL, he was so relieved to be back home.[/quote]

Ugh that is sad.  [b]My MIL is very similar- FIL has a terminal diagnosis and she doesn't want to tell anyone[/b], even though she could have a support network in their area, and paid caregiving help, if she would just accept it.  Instead she'll ask SIL to drive 3hrs each way to stay with FIL while she goes to get a haircut.  It's unsustainable but she's so stubborn.[/quote]
I am not going to automatically blame the MIL for this. Unfortunately, my own DH had a terminal diagnosis and did not want me to share with others, not our family or friends. During his last months, it was just DS, the doctors, and me who knew the truth. DH lived in denial, believing things would change. It didn't, and people were surprised when I finally had to share his death with others. As i type this, I am balling with the memory and loss. Until you have to personally make such decisions, it's not right to pass the fault. Death is not rational. [/quote]

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