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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have written it before on this board but I don’t consider my marriage “happy.”  My husband has disappointed me many times and made me unhappy.  I married young and with life experience I’ve understood that I might have had a happier marriage with someone else.  But that’s life.  He is always there for me now as we get older and deal with illness and loss.  He is my person.  Some people think we have a very happy marriage but I have never found this to be the case.[/quote]

No PP, your husband doesn't have control over your inner emotional state.  You do.  He may have disappointed you but he couldn't possibly have made you unhappy.  You did that to yourself.  Then you do the whole grass is greener thing but he is your person.

That makes no sense.  Then you go to complete fantasy land that maybe you could have had a better marriage with someone else, creating an impossible imaginary standard of perfection for your husband by measuring him against a non existent contingent alternate reality.

If you are unhappy, it's your fault.  If your marriage is unhappy, with your mixed up attitude, it is also your fault.

Stop comparing your husband, yourself, your life, and your marriage to a.mirsge or fantasy.  Invest your energy in improving yourself, and your marriage, not constantly ruminating over an imaginary alternate reality.

You probably need therapy because it sounds like you are suffering from cognitive distortions [/quote]

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