Reply to Bat Mitzvah gift from a Middle Income Family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - thank you for your responses. So what I'm getting is a cash gift is appropriate. Meaning - DD is not supposed to show up with a physical present like it's a kid's birthday or anything like that.

One other question - the invitation was for the jewish service and then the party after.  I've heard from other people invited that they're just going to the party afterwards.

Just for us, I don't find that appropriate - from what I understand, DD's friend has spent a lot of time learning Hebrew and the religious verses, etc. - so I've made clear to DD she needs to show up for her friend and sit in the pews while she and her family have their moment.  Admittedly, I'm not Jewish but I don't want my daughter just showing up at the after party.

The reason I raise this is because the invitation was to my daughter and the after party is in the evening.  I'm just wondering - should I drop my daughter off at the synagogue and wait outside and pick her up after or is it okay if I go in and sit with her.

Obviously, I'm not proposing to attend the party itself - I'm just trying understand the protocol for the religious service.  
[/quote]

Both your original post and this show that you are a lovely person for knowing that your daughter shouldn't just show up at night. In terms of the service, if you want to attend I'd reach out to the family first (sadly, because of security protocols your name may need to be on a list) and express your interest in attending the because you've never been.  That certainly is not expected, especially if DD might want to sit with school friends.

Rather then wait in the parking lot can you go somewhere nearby (again, tight security needs in the Jewish community) and have  DD call you. Typically after the service there is a kiddush, a casual  gathering for those in attendance--typically just light food / drinks. For logistics, it means there will be time for DD to get in touch with you. All in, the morning part is likely 1.5-2hrs (at least), and you could check with the family if they have a sense as to when to pick DD up.[/quote]

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