Reply to Bat Mitzvah gift from a Middle Income Family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My kids went to JDS.  I love that as parents, we all contribute to a fund, and the school provides a gift from the class.  It's been a few years since my kids mitzvah's but it was a nominal--maybe $100 at the high end.

For those that don't know, 18 is chai in Hebrew.  Chai also means life.  When you give in increments of 18 you are wishing a blessing upon the recipient.  So $36 = double chai or double life blessing.

From the parent POV, my kid just wants your kid to celebrate.  They want to look out from the bima and see their friends supporting them in their big day.  They want to know that someone will have their back if they screw up.  Yes, almost every kid stumbles no matter how much they prepared and the beauty of this is that most of the friends don't know when mistakes happen.  So my kid feels great and your kid has no idea that something went wrong.

The big parties are for the adults.  The kid is the reason but the party really isn't for them.  If it was, it would be a kid focused party, not a ballroom extravaganza.  So don't worry about the gift.  I promise you the jewish parents aren't keeping track and the kid really doesn't care.  Your kid took time out of their weekend to celebrate--that's the gift.[/quote]

Wasn't there someone complaining here recently bitterly how their father only gave a cufflinks gift and no money? I'd not be so sure nobody cares about the gift. Looks like there are some/many who keep track all right. [/quote]

I think that the cufflinks poster had issues with their father in general, plus the expectations for close family of the kid and the kid’s school friends are pretty different but also yes some people are petty about everything - the question is do you really want to bother to be in good graces of those people to your monetary detriment?[/quote]

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