Reply to Marriage like a train wreck in slow motion before my eyes

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is he a deadbeat, unemployed, sit on couch all day, doing no chores, driving, anything?  If not, he is actually supporting the family, as are you, in different ways.

A spouse is not supposed to be your be all end all friend.  Being "avoidant, uncommunicative" is bad for both of you

Find good girlfriends and a therapist to talk to and hire help for the kids.

Divorce sucks and switching to being adversaries in parenting and life is so much worse than needing a bit more support.[/quote]

Sorry but being only being a paycheck does not make one a parent, homeowner or life partner. 
Child support via family courts agrees with that as well. [/quote]

It's disturbing and naive when people without a paycheck minimize the importance of a paycheck. (I'm a divorced breadwinner mom and have experienced all this 1st hand and have many struggling divorced mom friends)
Scenario- he makes net $15,000/month, works 50hrs/week .  You live in a nice 4BR house and you are a PT employee or SAHM, and take care of 90% of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, appointments, bill paying, etc in 50+ hrs/week, and then maybe more after hours.  His $10,000 pays the mortgage, etc, car payment, kid activities, some vacations.

Then you divorce and get 60-80% custody, because he's still working 50hrs/week. BUT now you need somewhere to live and only get $4500/month child support to live on, so you must get a job or better one, because $4500/month doesn't cover even half your bills now.  So, you're still doing 90% of the kids/house stuff, but now need to work a lot too.  and living a lifestyle of scarcity.  It's much harder than people admit.

So, instead of divorce, first try using $2000-$4000 of his monthly income TO HIRE LOTS OF HELP AND NICETIES FOR YOUR FAMILY. to help lessen your resentment.  The saying "It's much cheaper than a divorce" is absolutely true.  And also, give up on being perfect now, because it's much easier than moving into survival mode as a single mom. [/quote]

It’s disturbing and naive that people still think marrying a paycheck isn’t lonely and a slap in the face.  Besides, wanna guess how long a zero executive functioning audhd person can keep a good job going? They basically have to go narrow, specialize, get promoted fast so they can bully or fool others into doing the real work so they can think up ideas or lecture clients or pontificate around like senior people do. [/quote]

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