Reply to Marriage like a train wreck in slow motion before my eyes

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is he a deadbeat, unemployed, sit on couch all day, doing no chores, driving, anything?  If not, he is actually supporting the family, as are you, in different ways.

A spouse is not supposed to be your be all end all friend.  Being "avoidant, uncommunicative" is bad for both of you

Find good girlfriends and a therapist to talk to and hire help for the kids.

Divorce sucks and switching to being adversaries in parenting and life is so much worse than needing a bit more support.[/quote]

Sorry but being only being a paycheck does not make one a parent, homeowner or life partner. 
Child support via family courts agrees with that as well. [/quote]

It's disturbing and naive when people without a paycheck minimize the importance of a paycheck. (I'm a divorced breadwinner mom and have experienced all this 1st hand and have many struggling divorced mom friends)
Scenario- he makes net $15,000/month, works 50hrs/week .  You live in a nice 4BR house and you are a PT employee or SAHM, and take care of 90% of the cooking, cleaning, childcare, appointments, bill paying, etc in 50+ hrs/week, and then maybe more after hours.  His $10,000 pays the mortgage, etc, car payment, kid activities, some vacations.

Then you divorce and get 60-80% custody, because he's still working 50hrs/week. BUT now you need somewhere to live and only get $4500/month child support to live on, so you must get a job or better one, because $4500/month doesn't cover even half your bills now.  So, you're still doing 90% of the kids/house stuff, but now need to work a lot too.  and living a lifestyle of scarcity.  It's much harder than people admit.

So, instead of divorce, first try using $2000-$4000 of his monthly income TO HIRE LOTS OF HELP AND NICETIES FOR YOUR FAMILY. to help lessen your resentment.  The saying "It's much cheaper than a divorce" is absolutely true.  And also, give up on being perfect now, because it's much easier than moving into survival mode as a single mom. [/quote]

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