Reply to Mean daughter, cut off phone.

Forum Index » Adult Children

Reply to "Mean daughter, cut off phone."

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]I’m sorry, OP.  It’s heartbreaking.  And all the people who are excusing her behavior are ones that just enable and coddle tha kind of thoitlessness and inconsideration in Thor own kids so they think it’s normal.

It may be developmentally normal to put some distance up with a parent who might die, out of fear of losing them.  That in no way excuses a complete lack of decency like checking on a parent who is getting chemo.

Are you married?  What I wonder is where the other parent was in terms of parenting your daughter when all of this happened.  My son can be quite inconsiderate and so I model it for him…reminding him like, “Your dad’s birthday is in a few weeks.  Start asking him what he might like to do on the day.  Make sure you don’t make any other plans.  Start paying attention for a gift he might like.”  It doesn’t bc one naturally to him.  So I try to scaffold it and teach him.

Your DH, if you have one, should have done that with all the kids throughout your illness.  I’m sorry he dropped the ball.

It sounds like you spoiled your daughter, and you know it.  That’s not entirely on you.  I do know some kids whose parents were endlessly giving and they are quite good as young adults at expressing appreciation.

I do know young adults who went the other way, too.  My stepdaughter was one of them.  She was endlessly indulged by both her parents, who meant well for their own reasons.  Her dad had been emotionally and physically neglected as a kid.  Her mom grew up in poverty and was physically abused.  They both wanted to spare her all the pain and stress of their childhoods…but in giving her everything and protecting her from every challenge, they crippled her emotionally and left her unable to cope with adulting and its inevitable challenges.  Her mom kept giving and giving into adulthood, like the giving tree, until she literally had nothing left to give….she borrowed againstbeen her pension to keep giving after SD developed an addiction.  Her dad and I (evil stepmother) eventually cut off all $$ except money for rehab.  And ironically, we now have a good relationship and she has become much more giving herself and appreciative.  But she still virulently looks down on her mom and resents her for not giving even more and for the financial
Wreckage she now has in retirement after giving away her financial security to her adult child.

If there’s any hope in that tale, it may be that the endless giving will never be enough, and that keeping a boundary and cutting off the endless supply can possibly make her appreciate the gifts she has been given…maybe.  But I agree with others that removing her photos makes YOU seem like the unhinged one, not her.  People have to be allowed the grace to be better people.  That’s the least you could grant to a daughter. You can cut off her phone without emotionally cutting off her head.

You’ve been through hell.  I hope you have a good therapist and wish you well.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics