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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They are in their mid-70s, DH and I are in our early 50s, and we've had enough of them. Since the day we got married my parents have been painfully unpleasant to be around. They've been abusive during visits, commenting on our apartments and homes over the years (your dad is an expert and fixing XYZ, look at the horrible craftsmanship, how did you hire someone like this, where are they from!!), badmouthing our neighborhoods (tsk tsk you should have brought a house in our neighborhood, it's the best community in the USA), starting fights over the holidays, miserable phone calls that always culminate in stress and fights and being hung up on, chastising us over not being religious enough, and then pretty much gleeful when DOGE threatened our jobs (lazy feds deserve to be punished for all that fraud, ha!!).

So, we're done. I have one sibling who is very close to them and tolerates a lot of their crap (I think it's the anti-anxiety meds that make it so easy to listen to them without wanting to throw them out of her house), therefore she may be the one handling their healthcare needs when the time comes. I want to be a better person but they sure have earned it from me. Is there any hope? [b]I have to say that the lack of communication with them has brought such peace into my life. [/b][/quote]

I never regretted NC with my mother and stepfather. The few times they weaseled back in? Regretted that every time. YMMV[/quote]

This. The peace is wonderful. [/quote]

This is helpful to me. My recently deceased father hated me with every fiber of his being - constantly referred to me as a fat dumb and lazy loser despite being very successful in a number of endeavors, from top level athletics to academics to career and so on. I did it on my own with no assistance from him or anyone else since age 18. The intense hatred and disgust burned bright throughout his life and it was an immutable condition.

Today is his birthday. Despite his choosing not to have anything to do with me, I always called him on his birthday. I thought it the decent thing to do (I feel foolish now). Most of the time I just reached his voicemail but on the rare occasion he picked up the phone he ripped into me did not delivering my twin brother to him, whom he greatly favored. Of course, my twin brother refused to have anything to do with him, and while wildly successful, was angry and vengeful.

I needed to hear that peace is wonderful. With his death I processed very quickly that my closure was in accepting there was going to be no closure in terms of reconciling why I was hated so much. In an odd way it has all been such a blessing. I had absolute freedom since my late teens and was a few molecules smart enough not to abuse it.

My twin recently passed away too - not an easy loss to digest.

By the way mother was incredibly nice to everyone, She was a lifelong addict though.and I could never really help her. She is at peace now too. [/quote]

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