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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]We had evolved into a sort of low contact, monthly phone calls, see them once a year for a short time kind of relationship with my parents.  But it gets a lot more complicated when they get really old and start to require help.  I went from this pleasant no contact, nontriggering relationship to having to go home and sleep in my childhood bedroom as I helped with my mother's broken hip.  My parents are/were massively self-centered and critical.  For example, they still call me by a mean childhood nickname that my brother made up when we were preschoolers.  At one point I said to my mother, "I have literally been asking you not to call me that for over fifty years, half a century.  Do you think you could stop now?"  And the answer was that no, I don't have a sense of humor.

The eventuality that you need to be prepared for is that these people who don't behave during the best of times will possibly completely lose their filters as they age.  They will require substantive engagement, and even the simplest things like hiring a house cleaner will likely evolve into a major issue, as happened in our family.

We were the siblings where the neighbors were calling us and saying "These people have  parked their car on their front lawn, their doors are unlocked, the lights are on all night.  Why are you terrible people not taking better care of your fragile elderly?"  But they are not the kind of people that you can talk to or negotitate with -- our parents.  For years, it felt like we were lying on the railroad tracks waiting for this train to run us over and we had almost no control over when the train hit, whether or not we survived.  They would not have gone willingly to assisted living, a home, etc.

The only suggestion I can offer is to get some therapy, to try to cooperate with your siblings and to save money for eventualities like having to spend extended periods of time in your home town so you can afford a hotel, etc. [/quote]

This sounds like dementia [/quote]

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