Reply to Now in early 40s, wish I had had another child

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]It’s biological and normal. Your body knows the window is closing.[/b] You’ll feel better in a few years.

The teen years are exhausting, even with very good kids and you’ll be glad there’s only two. [/quote]

I wish more people would understand it this way. That’s what it is. It isn’t some grand sign from the universe. [/quote]

For some people, sure. But many of us on this thread have expressed that we always wanted three kids, not suddenly wanted three in our 40s. It’s not always just hormones. [/quote]

But in this case, OP is looking for a way to think her way out of having wanted a third kid that her husband veto’d. It should help her to think of it this way rather than as a checklist or wishlist she was not able to accomplish.

Some people pre-plan the number of kids they want, some wait and see the conditions on the ground. It looks like her husband saw the conditions on the ground and decided he didn’t want a third. And now, her title says she’s in her early 40’s, and she’s feeling a lot of yearning for another child. Even if she pre-planned 3, and previously grieved not achieving the checklist number of kids she wanted, there’s a good chance there’s a hormonal component to the strength of yer yearning at her age. Having kids is, after all, a deeply biological and hormonal drive.

If she thinks of it that way, the number of kids she ended up with can go into the bucket of “things I wanted but didn’t get because biology had other plans.” Example: “I always wanted a sister,” or “I always wanted a daughter”  Trying to control the outcome of biological processes is a fools errand. Some people get lucky and knock out exactly the number and gender of kids they wished for their whole lives (!) But many do not, and it can help to reframe it in this way. [/quote]

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