Reply to Now in early 40s, wish I had had another child

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[quote=Anonymous]It's interesting to me that the OP is basically asking for helping find peace with her existing family size yet so many posts are about revisiting the issue and trying for a third.

Anyhow:

I think some percentage of what you're experiencing is simply related to being 40. It's the time in life where we can look ahead and see that certain doors are closed--it's different from when we looked ahead in our 20s and 30s. Life is so much about possibilities and potential then.

So, here you are. Some doors are closed (child #3). Some doors are open. Which open doors are most exciting to you?

Because you didn't walk through the child #3 door, you have some cool, different doors available to you--because you have more time and bandwidth than you would if you'd had a third. So let's talk about doors that have to do with more bandwidth/time/money and explore how to be happier and more fulfilled in general.

Do you think you'd like to travel more? Do you think you'd like to find a hobby or volunteering setup that would be really satisfying? Is there education or training that would make your career more fulfilling?

How about finding some cool family traditions? One of the awesome things about having 2 adults and 2 kids is that it's very easy to divide and each get 1:1 time with a kid. Maybe you'll start a tradition of taking 1:1 weekend trips a few times a year. Or maybe one adult/kid pair can go to a movie or museum or bowling and the other one stays in and makes dinner and plays a game or watches a movie.

How are the college funds? Retirement? Are there any adjustments you'd like to make?

Social life? It's important to have friends and time to nurture those friendships.

I know it's cliche to add a pet instead of a kid, but if you really feel you have more love to give it's a great thing to do. For a new dog you'd probably want to wait 2-3 years (probably could do a cat sooner) but a pet is definitely something that can add a lot of love and joy to your life.

Your kids are so young. I know it's hard to imagine it today, but I promise that your life will feel very full as you move forward into the school age years/teen years. I think you just need to spend some time really dreaming about the future for you and your family of four and really getting excited about all the lovely stuff that's ahead.

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