Reply to I finally accepted my marriage is over, and I feel as light as a feather

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]If I spent 50% time away from my children, especially a 2yo, I’d feel heavy, sad, and guilt-ridden. Literally nothing short of physical abuse or addiction could keep me away from my babies. [/quote]

It felt like the sun was shining again, when my DH finally left our home at my request.  I realized I had to do it when my DD, then 2 asked me why I was so sad, and I looked at her and said, "I'm not sad, mommy's fine." and smiled brightly and just carried on.  I realized then that I was teaching my kids to misread relationship cues and teaching them to accept bad treatment by staying in the relationship.

I wasn't heavy, sad or guilt-ridden about being a divorced mom with a 5 year old and an 18  month old.  I was very happy I would be able to bring them up 50% of the time in a healthy home instead of 100% of the time in a messed up family dynamic.  From their 50% of the time in my home, they learned empathy and responsibility and that I would always be there for them.  From their dad's 50% of the time, he taught them they couldn't rely on him, or trust him and that he would not help them with anything that wasn't easy for him, and that he didn't have an empathy and couldn't put anyone first.  That was sad for me to watch, but it is not my job to control my ex-husband's behavior.  He is a grown man who makes his own choices and lives with the consequences, like we all do.

Ending the marriage was the least bad choice of all the options I had.  Staying would have wrecked me and the kids for the long term. [/quote]

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