Reply to How to Deal with an Angry Sibling re: Elderly Parents

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Are the parents both senile and incapacitated? Why can't OP work out with the parents what they need? If they are both incapacitated then they need a nursing home. Just talk to the parents and figure it out.[/quote]

Do you people read anything? Or are you all lack comprehension skills? She said her mom won't let her be involved. Brother won't tell her how she can help, then calls her up last minute saying he's leaving town.

This is a two way street, people.[/quote]

Look, if you're not able to talk to your parents or have a civil relationship with your family then it's not your brother's fault or the fact that he's "angry" he has such a bum and useless sibling. The parents don't like OP and OP doesn't like them and we don't really know why. Seems nobody wants the help that OP isn't up to giving anyway.[/quote]

I think you are speaking from a place of plenty of money, kids out of school, no work obligations, trying to save for college....

They don't get along. She wants to help and doesn't know how. I'm the PP who is in the thick of this and it took me time to figure it out and I've stopped my entire life to do this. I also understand that not everyone has the ability to do what I've done.

Calling OP a bum and useless sibling makes you sound like a troll. Or maybe you're the a-hole poster who people probably hate IRL because you're so bossy and abrasive. But the only way to help OP is to take into consideration her limitations vis a vis her own obligations in another city and the reality of her relationship with her family. [/quote]

Yada, yada. I was the sibling caring for a dying mother with cancer and my not local brother was calling with the 'what can I do' stories. I finally told him to send money since he couldn't make the time. The money was used to hire an aide to help out. OP has to be inconvenienced a little either with time or money and frankly isn't doing either. This is what it takes.[/quote]

Can't you see that what you had happen was the best it could be with a sibling who doesn't live there. Your brother paid for an aide to help. You needed the help. There was a solution. OP's parents already have an aide. They are not to the point that they are dying. You are making proclamations based on your own no doubt harrowing situation, and I feel for you. But not everyone's situation is the same. I did three crushing years during the height of covid for my dad before he passed. I'm now in the midst with my mom. I feel like I can't go on many days. But my parents wanted my help. No one was pushing me away.

If OP can go now while parents are in rehab to get they lay of the land she might be able to figure out how she can help people who don't like her. This will help her in the future when they actually are to your mother's stage, and my father's and now mother's end of life stages. OP's lucky that she's not being thrown into the deep end immediately. She has time to figure it out, and if you are reading through her lens vs your own, you can see after her initial post she is now opening up and trying to figure it out. Those of us who have been there and/or are there, should try to be more helpful than just bashing people in a very difficult time. I think we can both agree that end of life care is difficult and emotional. [/quote]

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