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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I would have pushed my DH to move before our oldest started elementary school, when I knew we were going to need to, rather than letting him convince me to punt on it. Now we are stuck in the hard position of staying where we are despite some major drawbacks (schools, house), or uproot our kids. I haaaaaate it and I should have stuck to my guns a few years ago.[/quote]

+1 on moving when kids were young to a place that’s less striver and wealth driven. It’s caused a tremendous amount of anxiety over the years and I’m envious of friends raising kids in more sane places. 
[/quote]

Pretty much every place in the US with some level of affluence and good schools is competitive. I’d argue a lot of ordinary places are even worse. [/quote]

This just isn't true. DC/NY/LA/SF have particularly competitive cultures. DC tends to be very status driven with a lot of competition over work and prestige, because those are things people really care about here.

There is competition in affluent parts of smaller cities, but it's not as intense. People who have chosen to go live in St. Louis or Minneapolis, even as doctors or lawyers or people in the C-suite, often could have lived in DC or a city like it but chose not to. The same thing that makes a talented lawyer decide to go become partner at a well-respected but not global midwest firm, instead of a one of the big firms in DC, also makes them less intensely competitive as parents. They have traded a higher career ceiling (and more money/prestige) for a slower pace of life and often more family- and community-focused environment. Whereas people who choose to make their careers in DC often have very high expectations for themselves and others (for instance, people here sometimes look down their noses at highly successful people in "lesser" markets, I've seen it) and this makes for a more competitive environment generally, including in schools and parent communities.

"It's the same everywhere" just doesn't hold water as an argument. It's not. DC really is more competitive and status conscious than other places. You don't even have to view this as a value judgment -- it can be morally neutral. But it *is* different.[/quote]

DC isn't in the same category of a city as LA or NY. dc is closer to Minneapolis than LA.

You do mention about work and careers a lot and I’ll admit that in mid-tier cities it’s often less about work and more about wealth. [/quote]

The highest end of DC competitive culture is closer to LA than Minneapolis because of the proximity to power. At the extreme, people in DC work in the White House or at high levels in Congress, or in national media or policy-making. The very, very highest levels in Minneapolis are still regional and not well known elsewhere. People in Minneapolis will care if you're a judge or work for one of the big local industries at a high level, but people elsewhere will not.

I see this most often with regards to kids in school communities where focus/respect/attention shifts according to parent jobs. If your kids have ever been at a school with one or more VIPs, you get this. And it's not about feeling competitive with those parents (zero interest in their jobs), it's about raising kids in an environment where some people matter and others don't, and worrying that they are learning warped ideas about what it means to be successful or fulfilled. Yes these issues exist elsewhere but not to the same degree because the distance between an average middle class person and a very successful, high status person is much narrower in other environments, because the ceiling is so much lower. It changes the culture.[/quote]

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