Reply to Women staying in, staying home, downshifting this year

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It sounds like some of this is women being pushed out of their jobs by RTO. And that's awful. I wouldn't frame it as a willing "downshift."

I see a bit the opposite. We are leaning more heavily into in person socializing, some of it's hosting but also going out to meet up sometimes, or driving to visit family. It's comforting. [/quote]

It is awful, but on the other hand, “careers” have been somewhat overhyped, and women’s work in the home has been so devalued that one feels worthless without a career. Which I think is bull$hit - what is really more important than caring for your family? It sucks because in order for that to work, the other spouse has to be earning a lot, at least around here. But after having done it all, and seeing my teens so much better off mentally with a parent who is able to be fully present in a way that few jobs offer enough flexibility for, I am starting to understand why so many teens  are having mental health issues. Re: the teen-ternity posts from a couple of years ago. [/quote]

It is grossly oversimplifying (and unfair primarily to working mothers) to blame the teen mental health crisis on both parents working jobs that make them less than "fully present." [/quote]

While I agree we should definitely not just be blaming working moms, I think it's worth talking about whether the current model of two professional working parents and kids in childcare and activities most of the day every day, is working for everyone.

Questioning that model does NOT have to mean advocating for a system where women don't work or are discouraged from working. Most men I know would love to scale back working and spend more time with their kids or doing things around their home. A system where the adults in a household must both be ended in for-pay work 40 (or more) hours a week in order to even afford to have kids, and then much the traditional family system is outsourced to paid providers (many of whom are also parents, whose parenting is then also outsourced elsewhere) has some deep flaws.

I'd really like to normalize: parental leaves and sabatticals for both parents, not just with infants but at various points in a child's development; shorter work and school/activity days that leave more time for family connection in the evening; and part time work at various points for both parents.  And all of this would necessitate rethinking the family economic model, and the American imperative toward maximal consumption (largest house you can buy, multiple cars, every modern convenience, outsourcing household tasks, big expensive vacations.

I have no interest in being a SAHM, but I don't particularly like having a full-time job in a dual income family where we can either afford to outsource most childcare and household upkeep or we flounder because we don't have the bandwidth to do that any our jobs. It's not better, it's probably worse, and we should be able to come up with a better solution.[/quote]

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