Reply to Women staying in, staying home, downshifting this year

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I'm older Gen X. I lost the ability to hang out with other women (mom and "girls" groups) probably 15-20 years ago. Women can be too catty/backstabbing and I'm too much of a truthteller -- not a great combo, in general. You stab someone in the back who is not here and I will tell you to your face how you're being an underhanded jerk. I can't deal with hypocrisy, dishonesty, setting people up to fail. So i bowed out on other women a long time ago. No regrets! I stayed at home with my husband and kids a long time before covid. [/quote]

People are going to attack you for this, but it resonates. I am young Gen X and in about my mid-30s, I realized I just couldn't do a lot of female friendships. Specifically this pattern where people kind of perform close, supportive friendships (especially on social media) but then gossip and criticize and compete with one another under that surface (while never acknowledging that's what they are doing). I just started dropping out of friendships with this dynamic, which mean no more "friend groups" because that's where this behavior thrives -- it's lots of group gatherings where everyone acts very lovey and supportive, and then lots of in-between conversations that tend towards gossip and judgment of others in the group.

I'm not at "no friends" but clearing out all those friendships opened up a lot of space. The friendships I do have are more chill and don't ask as much of me -- most of my friends I text with regularly but not every day, and then we get together in person once every few months. I spend way more time with my spouse and kid and like it that way -- those relationships feel the deepest and most meaningful in my life, and I think of friendships as secondary, support relationships to those primary relationships. I also just like spending time along or with my pet. I go to movies alone sometimes and it's so nice. Even when I'm socializing, I like doing things that can be quieter or not so much talk talk talk -- going to a museum or a play together, going to a sporting event. As I get older, relationships are more about companionship and connection, just witnessing each other's lives. I just want gentleness and support. Conflict, competition, any intractable disagreement... it makes me too tired and is not worth the effort of getting together.[/quote]

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