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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]What if the betrayed partner is in denial? My ex husband claimed he liked sex, claimed the extra 60 pounds he gained shouldn’t turn me off, etc, etc. I didn’t realize how badly he was gaslighting me until I had an affair.[/quote]

Well, I'll tell you what I told my ex-husband in coparenting therapy, when he claimed that I "assassinated his character" because I said I had done more emotional labor in our marriage than he had (including, staying after and trying to forgive his first affair).

"Oh, um, well couldn't you have said to yourself, I cheated on her and abandoned her, so [i]maybe it's natural that she feels this way[/i], and couldn't you have shown me a little grace?" And he said, "Oh . . . right."

Like honestly you think your ex was gaslighting you, rather than the more obvious answer, that weight gain and libido issues had crept up on him and he wasn't facing that well? Meanwhile, you're doing actual gaslighting with your affair, but let's all look over here, at a guy who isn't accurately self-narrating his interest in sex as it changes with age.

My ex's AP is totally obsessed with not taking any blame for her divorce. Among her many complaints are that her sober, church-going ex "didn't love her like Christ loves the church," so she had to leave him for . . . my cheating, alcoholic atheist of an ex. To this day she still denies the affair (that my ex confessed to, snicker) and blames her ex.

"Why can't my betrayed spouse take better ownership of why I cheated on them!" is . . . a choice.[/quote]

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