Reply to AITA? Grandparent gifting edition

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Did she ask for ideas and that was your suggestion? Or did you anticipate that she would ask and offered up the idea sort of out of the blue?  I'm assuming the former. Yeah, it was reasonable of you to offer a suggestion since she asked but I probably wouldn't have posed it as helping you and your husband pay for the trip. I would have suggested spending money for the trip for souvenirs. But your MIL is a real pill for being such a touchy jerk about it. She complained to your husband knowing it would get back to you. She's a coward who can't address things head on. I'd start freezing her out. If you traditionally handle things like visits, gift buying, card sending, stop. [/quote]

It was more anticipation that she would be asking, because she always does. But anyway, I agree with your thoughts on this and will start backing away from here on. [/quote]

What does your husband think?  You could always just say, "Hey, I'm sorry if my birthday suggestion for Larlo was off-putting.  I didn't intend to offend you."

I'm sure that will make her feel like a complete idiot and maybe make her mad for a while, but at least it will clear the air.  Or your husband can try and smooth things over.  I feel like this doesn't have to blow up if your relationship has been fine up until now.[/quote]

I read your update. I think this is the right way to go about it although I don’t believe it was tacky. It’s wild to me to read these forums and see how distant and strained some of your relationships are between family members that when somebody asks for a birthday suggestion, you can’t be honest and ask for cash for a trip.[/quote]

Thank you. In my mind, if the shoe were on the other foot, if I'm buying a gift no matter what as in a grandchild's birthday, I'd be so happy to gift something that is needed and I personally love being guided in that way. As does my family; that's always how it was done. [/quote]

You’re not getting it. Her gift would be what 5% of the total. Are you going to say the trip is from you AND grandma? Would you have a party where she would be acknowledged? Otherwise her contribution isn’t really seen as a gift. His gift becomes really a gift to you. I understand you shouldn’t give gifts to be acknowledged, but that’s hard to do for a teen you care about. It sounds like she is thoughtful about gifting, so maybe just see it from her perspective. What teen only wants a school trip for his birthday?! [/quote]

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