Reply to What to Do with an Unsafe Dad?

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[quote=Anonymous]You need to reframe: This is a 5 year problem, because realistically, once the baby is around 5 they will have the independence not to be in danger if dad is unsafe.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

You’ve already talked to him and nothing has changed. At this point you need to focus on keeping the kids safe. That means you need to stop thinking of him as a partner and you need to function as a single mom. The other thing you need to do is make sure you don’t get divorced in the next 5 years because he will get custody.

When the children aren’t with you, they need to be with a babysitter. Instead of focusing energy on convincing him to be safe, you need to spend that time structuring the kid’s lives so they’re safe regardless of what he does. Note, you should not tell him you’re doing this, just do it.

The second thing is to avoid divorce. Stop complaining about the lack of safety. Sleep with him at least once a week. Remember, that even if you don’t initiate a divorce, he could still do it and you would be in the same predicament. You’re simply not in a place where you can trust him.

Reevaluate the relationship in 5 years. Maybe once the safety problems is resolved, you can be happy with him. Maybe you can finally divorce. But until then, you need to prioritize keeping the kids alive.

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