Reply to What to Do with an Unsafe Dad?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here - to clarify he has a demanding job and has been able to perform well and receive good feedback. He has been in school for most of our relationship. But now has a good job since the past 3 years. I have already stepped down in position and intensity from my career which I really don’t want to let go(but I see the point of being a SAHM in this case). He has always been “easygoing” but I just never imagined that he would be so nonchalant with our children.

The only things I have ever seen him accomplish with care and urgency are his schoolwork and his job. he justifies his behavior on safety by believing that I am making a big deal out of nothing, that accidents happen and things will get better.

The things I mentioned are the life threatening things. In general though he refuses to accept the importance of safety hygiene and his role as a parent in these key areas for the kids. For example, he thinks it’s okay to let our son continue sleeping in his bed after he wets it. He also doesn’t wash the kids properly and puts up more of a fight about bath time than the kids do. [b]I know he loves his kids and his family.[/b] He is with them playing reading books building things etc all the time. We are a really close family otherwise and spend most of our time together.

Any specific advice on parenting classes, safety classes or anything else I would appreciate it. For example tonight the bath thing he just thinks I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I feel like a crazy person here.  
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He doesn't actually love his kids or family. He loves the [i]idea[/i] of them.

OP, I'm guess you and your DH are on the younger side? The way you talk about him being in school and only being in the working world for 3 years makes me think this is the case. Did your DH ever live on his own, or has every aspect of his domestic life been handled by his mother and now you? Sounds like you have an irresponsible Peter Pan manchild on your hands who has never had to be truly responsible, and never fails because someone is always swooping in behind him. And unfortunately, now you have to keep him from failing because failure means injury or death to your children.

I echo what others have written. Parent as if you are a single parent. Cut him out of everything possible. Stop having children with him. If you can, get him into parenting classes, therapy, anything. Find someone who can have a cone to jesus conversation with him that he might actually listen to. Because he's not going to listen ot you.[/quote]

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