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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]They tell themselves they are the victims. Own zero for the relationship not working.

If I had known myself better I would have known my marriage would never work. I wasn’t ready to acknowledge that unlike to my friends sex is a huge part of a marriage. If you can take or leave the marital bedroom you’ll never make it.[/quote]

The problem with your hypothesis is most actually do see their role in the relationship not working.  The victimization of the betrayal overshadows all historical challenges in the relationship because it is the end of respect.

If the cheater would say I no longer want to live this way for these reasons, but I love these things about us and I am hurting.   It hurts enough that we need to fix it, divorce or create a new agreement where we can seek xyz outside of our relationship.   That would force both people to look at their role in the issues and prioritize solutions.  The betrayal destroys the relationship, the individuals and family.  The BP became the victim because their partner became the victimizer.  [/quote]

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