Reply to Is silence the answer here? What would you say?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Months ago I stopped speaking to someone I had been close to for a long time. There was a significant incident that I found deeply disrespectful. When I raised it at the time, instead of acknowledging it, they doubled down and explained why they were justified. I decided to disengage.

We share mutual acquaintances, so I’ve quietly managed logistics by skipping events where they’ll be and not including them in things I host.

Out of nowhere, I received an email asking if I can “finally let it go” because they “miss me and want to be in my life again.” There was no acknowledgment of what happened and no apology.

I’m honestly more irritated now than I was before. I’m unsure whether to ignore it, respond briefly, or say something more direct. If you’ve been in a similar situation, how did you handle it? How would you respond? [/quote]

You are rearranging your life around this person, so obviously they mean something to you. Do you want to keep living like that? Do you want to be friends again? Or do you want them out of your life?

Be honest about what you want and go from there. Silence means continuing. Reaching out means trying to establish friendship. Telling them never to contact you again means ending the relationship — which would allow you to tell everyone that you are no longer friends with this person so that logistics can be made much easier.[/quote]

OP hasn't posted in a while, but I don't not knowing what she wants is the issue. It's more dealing with knowing what she wants.

She wants a friend who respects her enough to care that she was hurt. But she can't have that. So she's chosen the least worst option, which is to distance herself from that person and try to deal with the emotional fallout that's causing.

I don't think ending the friendship is going to make anything easier if they have mutual friends. It's going to be messy and in the long run, if OP is hurt enough to not want to be around this person and the person persists in their belief that they've done nothing wrong and OP is overreacting, people will be forced to choose sides. From experience, I know how much that sucks.

Everyone has their own perspective on stuff like this, but if I were in their friend group, I'd land with OP. Because I, too, am a deeply feeling person and I can better understand OP's hurt than the position of someone who caused that hurt but doesn't care enough to try and make amends. There are definitely people who will view OP as "causing drama" and "refusing to let it go" or, like others in this thread, decide it's up to them to decide whether OP deserves to feel hurt.

The situation sucks.[/quote]

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