Reply to Is silence the answer here? What would you say?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I’d respond “let what go”

If they cant explain what “it” is then I’d say I can’t until you can understand “it”.[/quote]

I love this! [/quote]

+1. I was in this situation once and was instructed to "get over it" a[b]nd I have long wished I had simply asked "Get over what, specifically?" Because if there is something to get over, why isn't there something to apologize for?[/b][/quote]

I love this last statement - I'm always doubting what I feel - this is so helpful.
[/quote]

You and me both. This thread is pretty validating. [/quote]
Sorry, but I disagree. Just because someone isn’t over something does not mean there is something to apologize for. I think it’s rude to tell someone else “get over it” but I also know many people who hold onto grudges over small things or even no things. Or things they haven’t explained. Or misunderstandings. [/quote]

The key fact her is that OP and this other person were friends. I feel differently if you are talking about a neighbor or coworker, where yes, people can see things differently and no one is "right" or "wrong." In those situations, it's definitely better for people to simply move on and accept you don't see eye to eye. In those sorts of relationships, sometimes you have to swallow hurt feelings or at least accept the other person is never going to care about them.

A friendship is different. Yes, in a friendship, if there is something a person is expected to look past, forget, or let go of, then that means there was some kind of transgression. Also, if you feel like you don't understand why the person is mad or that they haven't explained it, ASK. If the knee jerk reaction is "whatever, it's nothing, they should get over it" instead of "wow my friend is really upset with me and I don't really even understand why," then you are part of the problem. It means you don't really care enough about their happiness or your relationship to have a conversation about it. In which case it's not a grudge for them to hold it against you. It's self-protection and likely the dawning realization for them that a person they thought was a friend doesn't really care about them at all.[/quote]

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