Reply to Dating with a more serious and intense personality

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "Dating with a more serious and intense personality "

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous]My heart goes out to you, OP.  I was you, twenty years ago... a young immigrant woman in the US, stressed out beyond belief as the financial provider for my family, including my two parents, but too scared and bound by culture to say no.  Twenty years later, this is what I would have advised the younger me.
1.  Begin to gently disengage from your many financial obligations.  Don't drop all of them at once (as the guilt will kill you) but start to set some boundaries for your own emotional and financial wellbeing, e.g. send a fixed amount of x every month (a figure that is lower than what you are sending now), or only paying for clear designated expenses e.g. school fees for siblings.  After establishing this boundary, block them from being able to reach you whether by phone or by email, and do not budge.  The new dynamic will be uncomfortable for all, including you, but they will be forced to adapt to the new normal and you will get some crucial breathing space in your finances.
2.  If you are able, please look for a therapist who is familiar with your cultural context, to give you support as you begin to establish boundaries.  You can also ask for recommendations from your home country (or from immigrants in the US who are from your country).  Nowadays a lot of therapists are available virtually so it may be possible for you to get someone who will understand what you are going through.
3.  Don't date seriously for now, but if you do date, please make sure you are on birth control to avoid adding another mouth to feed while you are still stabilizing yourself.  
4. Prioritize inexpensive activities/hobbies that make you happy... reading, cooking, dancing, whatever the case may be.  The goal here is to keep yourself busy, in a happy way, so that you are not anxiously ruminating or worrying about your family or your finances, or your future prospects. 
All in all, I wish you the very best. Take care of yourself.  I ended up moving back to my home country after 10 years in the US and met my husband here.  He has a completely different personality from mine, i.e., he is light-hearted, jovial, and an extreme extrovert, but very kind and responsible, so I felt safe with him.  We have been married now for 13 years despite our personality differences.  You too can meet someone that matches you, so don't give up, and take care of yourself in the meantime.[/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics