Reply to Stepdaughter (16) is out of control

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]She tends to do a bit better at her mom’s house, which is part of why we decided to send her there. Her parents have been divorced for many years and I’ve been in her life for several, so this isn’t a brand new dynamic.  She’s done therapy in the past but is currently refusing to go. We’ve also tried for years to get her a full neuropsych evaluation, but she won’t participate. She was diagnosed with ADHD by her pediatrician in elementary school, but she will not take any medication or see her psychiatrist. We’ve tried so many different approaches over the years, but she refuses to listen to or respect my husband at all, which has made things especially difficult. -OP[/quote]

1. Does she have any siblings and how are they? Is she oldest, youngest or middle?
2. Why did her parents divorce and hold old was she then?
3. How is your relationship with her one-on one? How is your relationship with her mother? How is dad's relationship with the bio mom?
4. Of course she was diagnosed with ADHD; that's the first default. It means nothing. You are medicalizing a problem that is probably trauma related to her parents' divorce. 
5. When did her relationship with her father nosedive, and why? [/quote]

She’s the youngest of three — a 21-year-old brother in college and an 18-year-old sister who’s a senior heading to college in the fall. Her sister is a absolute sweetheart, and her brother is an amazing young man. I’ve raised them and did most of their dads 50%, and we’re very proud. So, it took a lot to send her to her moms, because we’ve tried everything and really prioritize them. There were times where we’d have the kids more than 50% custody, by choice, to give mom a break.

Her parents got divorced due to multiple issues like finances and compatibility. My husband and I have married since she was in elementary. There wasn’t one dramatic event.

I have a decent relationship with her, and her mom and I are respectful and get along. My husband is cordial with his ex-wife. She has a professional ADHD diagnosis, which absolutely plays a role. There wasn’t a single moment where her relationship with her dad “nosedived” — it’s more typical teen boundary-pushing. [/quote]

Sounds like it's way more than typical.

Explain again why her father cannot work less and spend more time parenting her. And explain why you married a man when you had to do most of his parenting time for him.[/quote]

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