Reply to DH's angry parenting is ruining our family

Forum Index » Relationship Discussion (non-explicit)

Reply to "DH's angry parenting is ruining our family"

Subject:

Emoticons





More smilies

Text Color: Font: Close Marks

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Thanks for the helpful responses. As to the divorce depabte, ther eality is that the courts award 50% custody by default unless there is serious documented physical abuse, which our situation doesn't qualify as. He has never thrown anything at our child like a PP suggested. He has for example thrown her backpack angrily down the stairs when she won't get ready for school. But that's why I photographed the mark, to start compiling evidence in case we do get to divorce territory someday. But just one photo of a red mark won't alter the 50% default. That's why I'm not divorcing; I refuse to give up my kids. It[b]'s easy to say "Oh I'd never let my husband do that, he'd be gone in a heartbeat" until you actually think it through and look up divorce laws.[/b] I do think I can get him to make the effort to change, because I've pulled away from him physically and emotionally, and he'll want to change that, even if he won't change for his kids.

And yes, his father was angry irritable and physical as well, so that's a factor. Turns out he had undiagnosed depression for my DH's whole childhood, so I that's why I think that's a possibility for DH. NOw his dad is on meds and way more calm.

Thanks for the recommendation for the PEP class, I'll definitely look into that.

Also, I'm not a permissive parent; we have several tools that I use to enforce loving boundaries, including 1-2-3- timeout, saying "try again", natural consequences, etc. My husband always forgets to use them no matter how many times I remind him. I'm not perfect either; I have yelled at my kids on occasion, though I'm generally pretty even-keeled. But even when I yell, I apologize profusely and repair the relationship. That's one of DH's big problems, is he never repairs adequately, so the hurts keep mounting.[/quote]

OP, I hear you. I'm watching my friend go through this right now (in VA, not sure where you are) and it is mind boggling to me what the courts do and do not care about. I'm a lawyer and that is NOT how things work in my area of the law and I'm just shocked to see how family court operates (I've been to multiple hearings with my friend just as a support). I think you're doing the right thing and I wish you the best. Just tune out/ignore the crazy keyboard warriors who have no idea what they're talking about. For perspective, I read an article about the avalanche near Tahoe this morning (I grew up there so the story has hit me hard) and a bunch of commenters were lashing out at the ski school the kids of the moms attended. The ski school had nothing to do with the moms' trip, it's just how they knew each other because their kids attended it. But nonetheless, all these people who are apparently incapable of reading or clear thoughts were angrily posting that the ski school should be shut down. These are the same people who post on DCUM, so just scroll right on past any post you find that says what you quoted. They don't get it. [/quote]

Options

	Disable HTML in this message
	Disable BB Code in this message
	Disable smilies in this message

Review message

Search Recent Topics Hottest Topics