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[quote=Anonymous]Hi OP I feel your pain. My dad is really failing but either he or my stepmother or both (its unclear) refuse to consider help. He's fallen 4-5 times now in the past few months and he is so phyiscally incapacitated cannot get up by himself, and she can't pick him up (she's 80 and about 90 lbs) so they call a neighbor or the fire department to help pick him up. He's had two recent seizures, uses a walker/shuffles, and was recently in the icu and rehab for a month, and generally is in poor health.

the issues not not money--they have tons of it. She doesn't like people in her house at all (including us-we have always stayed in hotels when we visit), she thinks they will mess up her stuff. They have grudgingly put grab bars in the bathroom but the house is still really cluttered so it's hard to navigate and its unclear whether my dad is using his walker appropriately.  She also complains however that my sibling doesn't do enough to help (probably true, but my dad hasnt' exactly been there for us for the years...). Of course they refuse to consider assisted living, so basically, one of these days my dad will fall again and go to the hospital again, and maybe he will, or maybe he wont, come out. I've begged them to consider at least 4 hours a day--someone who could help my dad shower, tidy up, maybe bring in the garbage, etc, and also be with him when she wants to go out...but at a certain point, they've made their bed. I've already been the prime caretaker for my mom (who did move to AL and then MC near me), I only have so much energy now.  My dad at one point said maybe he should go to AL but then she shot it down, however she gets angry at him for his incapacity, and its just all hard to watch. [/quote]

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