Reply to It's All on Me Because DH Never Sees a Problem

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]It seems like marriage is different. For a school project, if someone freeloads off the rest of the team, that person isn't invited to join the group for the next project.  At work, there is someone (a boss) in a position of authority over the two colleagues, who needs to be pleased.  Marriage isn't like either of those scenarios.[/quote]

Marriage isn’t a group project, and it isn’t a performance review. You are correct that there’s no teacher, no boss, no quarterly rating system in marriage. Which means you don’t get to fire him from the team, and you also don’t get to unilaterally define the rubric, either.

Right now, you’re acting like there’s an objective scoreboard and he’s failing. The problem is, you’re the one writing the criteria. If you two haven’t agreed on what “good enough” looks like for chores, dents, camps, and vegetables, then of course you feel like he’s freeloading. He probably feels like you keep adding extra assignments that no one asked for.

Marriage is two adults negotiating shared standards, not one adult assigning grades.[/quote]

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