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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][b]You have big issues here that go beyond the money although that is big. Secrecy is a big thing in your family, it is clear. You want to keep this entire thing from her dad.[/b] She secretly communicates with you when with her dad. Of course she feels ok being secretive and sneaky- this has been normalized for her. I disagree with the person who said she was trying to get caught by spending so much. She likely just figured out (correctly) that you weren’t noticing and kept doing it. So while it is a LOT of money, part of the issue is how like you let it go on by not noticing. In other words, she didn’t spend $2k at once which would be egregious. She spent $2k over a period in which you weren’t paying attention and she assumed you didn’t notice or care and it added up.

I think all your ideas to address this are too delayed, insufficient, focused on maintaining comfort for both of you, and continue to uphold the pattern of secrecy in your family so I can’t advise you there as I know you won’t take suggestions. [/quote]

OP here. You are 100% correct, which is why I am so very thankful for posters here who have understood the nuances of the situation and looked beyond punishments for stealing to provide insightful recommendations on next steps.

You are lucky if you had the luxury of growing up with two safe parents. [/quote]

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