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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I have a friend who is constantly complaining about her life and husband. Occasionally venting to a friend is one thing but a one trick pony always complaining is a different beast.

It gets old so I remind her that she doesn’t have to be the helpless damsel. If she doesn’t like my response after hearing her complain for the hundredth time, she can change her life or stop complaining. Some of us actually put in the work to solve our problems so [b]the perpetual victimhood gets old real quick.[/b] [/quote]

THIS. If you find that people are constantly giving you advice, maybe stop complaining and see what advice they give you then. If it's none, well, there's the source of your problem.[/quote]

Yes! I have a friend who questions and doubts EVERYTHING in her life

Her hair 
Her job 
Her kids 
Her marriage 
Her car color

It’s sooooooo exhausting [/quote]

Can you express what exactly is exhausting about someone having doubts about their own choices? I don't understand how it would impact you unless he was directly asking you for advice.

I have noticed that some people kind of demand that people have total confidence in everything all the time. Like if I say about my hair "yeah, I've been growing it out but I'm getting sick of it -- I might chop it back off in the spring," this is too wishy-washy for them. They only want to be around someone who is like "this is the BEST haircut for me, and I have the BEST stylist, I'm so happy with my hair." Same with kids or job. Hearing me say "yes, this job has been a really good work life balance for me these last few years, but I think I'm looking for more of a challenge -- I'm not sure right now whether I want to stay or look for something new" is stressful to them because they only want to hear about satisfaction and success. Like I either need to love my current job or I need to be confidently discussing my plan for getting a new one. There can be no gray area.

That's just not how I live my life. I think there's lots of gray area. I don't feel the need to be 100% certain of anything and I'm very comfortable with the fact that I'm not. Nothing is ever perfect. I take my time with decisions and am okay with inaction even when it's uncomfortable at times -- I think there is a lot to learn in discomfort and questioning.

So perhaps you are just not compatible with people like me. Instead of viewing my way of living as wrong and "exhausting" for you, you could simply choose not to maintain friendships with people whose approach to life annoys you so much. Unless your friend is actively pushing you to help her solve the issues she has with different areas of her life, there's no reason this should even implicate you.[/quote]

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