Reply to Supporting colleague who discovered husband’s affair with a 19 year old

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Is her husband employed at the university where this 19 year old is a FRESHMAN? If so, help her ruin his career [/quote]

No, he does not work there. She says she’s in love with him.[/quote]

Honestly, a guy that would affirmatively reach out to a stranger on TikTok and believe that she loves him has sort of lost his marbles.  I would be very worried that she is not actually 19.

That kind of impulsivity and lack of boundaries is a real danger to anyone who stays married to him.

If you want to support her, it's probably best not to tell her what to do, but to encourage her to think through all options, while at the same time making it clear that this is in no way her fault (as cheating is always the "fault" of the cheater - no one forces them to cheat).  It would have helped me to have my friends more clearly label the abusive nature of my now ex's cheating -- the cheating isn't about a relationship issue in the marriage but it is about abuse of power, manipulation, etc.  I think it also would have helped me to have someone encourage me to go to therapy and see an attorney.   I did the latter but not the former.

FWIW, I didn't leave right away because I had very little kids.  If my kids had been older, I would have left immediately.

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