Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. Yes the teens help, and yes we can afford to outsource. That’s not really the point. I would like him to just be a more active member of our family. He used to be more involved, when the kids were younger and he worked fewer hours (but still a lot.)

And no I don’t pressure him to work this much, we live on significantly less than he makes and I’m fine with that. My income is basically irrelevant - I do it because I like it and it helps keep me sane.

I feel like Jen Anniston in that movie where she screams “I want you to WANT to do the dishes!” except it’s not dishes. It’s more that I want him to WANT to have a more active role in our lives. He’s leaned too much into almost a Don Draper/1950’s mentality and I don’t like it or want it. [/quote]

Ah, this was very helpful. You have to learn that let that go. You cannot want someone to want to do something - the best you're going to get is that they're going to do it. So start by adjusting your expectations.

Also, if he used to be more involved when he worked less, can you, instead of giving him vague statements that make it sound like you want him to do the dishes more, ask him how he feels about spending less time with the family? Can you prioritize the things he would like to do? I imagine those would be more eating dinner with the family than making dinner for the family, but at least you could discuss it. [/quote]

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