Reply to How to talk to DH about my feelings?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]OP here. I feel like a task manager and household employee. I’d like him to participate more in family life. I’d also like him to show more interest in us as a couple and not just housemates/parents (although he has plenty of interest in sex!)

But for example if I ask him to be more involved (or really involved at all) in meal planning and dinner prep and to please finish work in time to do this I basically get told that he way out earns me (true) and that he is the main dog walker (also true but why does that have to do with what I am asking?)[/quote]

There is a correlation between working more and earning more, so you trying to micromanage his work hours to him likely makes him feel like you don't value that genuine contribution he makes to your household. He's also observing that you have, for whatever reason, taken on different household tasks -- you seem dismissive of the dog walking, for some reason, but that's a daily chore, at least twice a day. I bet he gets up earlier than you to do it in the morning, as well.

The fact that you describe yourself as feeling like a "task manager" suggests you've also set up a dynamic where you act like you're in charge and he needs to perform the tasks you want done, while he is focused on others he sees as needing done. It also wouldn't surprise me that if and when he has done these tasks of yours in the past, you've complained he's done it "wrong" or at least not to your specifications.

These aren't "flaws" and it sounds like he feels attacked, despite your use of "I" statements, which can often feel like thinly veiled accusations couched in therapy speak.

I understand your frustration, but you're going about this the wrong way. 
[/quote]

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