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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]None. I wouldn't even call my husband stupid, much less worse than that. Intelligent people don't resort to name calling when in an argument. [/quote]

Not to parse words here, but..  is “don’t be so stupid!” name calling? I don’t think so. PP who said we are our own boundary on this is exactly right. [/quote]

I mean, isn't it? On what occasion would you say that to your husband? I think calling someone stupid is rude and unproductive. Does it even describe the behavior accurately or clearly explain how you feel about what he did? To me, it doesn't. So I prefer to use words that make sense and further discussion. If my husband left a bag of trash on the bag porch, for example, and the dogs got into it when they went outside, I suppose I could say "don't be so stupid!" but what purpose does that serve? Can you give me an example where that works, and by works I mean helps the person who did the thing to understand what they did and how you felt about it?[/quote]

Different poster.  I can think of a scenario.  Let’s say that DH and I have a child with SN that got into a school that serves kids with his disability and will probably be our child’s best shot at transitioning into a traditional classroom at some point instead of being in a hybrid classroom/ homeschool situation.  
  
Despite the fact that we will actually have MORE money coming in because DS going to school means that I can work more, DH has sticker shock and doesn’t want to pay for the school and more or less shuts down and refuses to talk about it whenever I bring it up.

I mean, hypothetically.  
 
[/quote]

PP here. First off, congratulations on your child's acceptance into that school!

I could come up with some choice adjectives for your husband, and you and I could bandy them about, I just don't see how calling him stupid would further the discussion (that I guess he's refusing to have anyway) on this topic. I'd probably get a third party involved, hopefully someone who can help your husband see how beneficial this will be for your child, and maybe even a different third party to discuss the financial piece of it.

Let me be clear - it's not that I've never thought to myself "my husband is being stupid/a jerk/an ass, etc.," I just don't say those things to him because I don't think it's productive to call names. I also think the name calling OP was talking about is completely unacceptable, although I can sympathize with you wanting to call your husband the male version of those words given the frustration with your current situation.[/quote]

I guess that’s fair.  Frankly, I will do what I want to and DH can deal.  No third party needed.  I know that I’m right.  
But don’t you just get mad sometimes?  [/quote]

PP here. I ABSOLUTELY get mad sometimes. And I absolutely want to scream at my husband sometimes. I just don't, because I don't think it's productive and I think calling each other names is only going to lead to hurt feelings and resentment and I don't want to go down that path. I will say, I've never fundamentally disagreed with my husband to the level you are talking about, so I will not say I know what I'd do in your shoes. And I have raised my voice at him before when I'm frustrated and I don't think he's listening, but I have never once called him a name or said something hurtful. This is true for everyone I know - I will say the truth (i.e. I told my friend I disagreed with her decision to cheat on her spouse, I've told my kids I'm disappointed in their choices, etc.) even when the truth may hurt, but I do not call names or say hurtful things because I am not the kind of person who would get over that easily. I know some people are fine screaming names at each other and then acting like there's no issue. That's just not for me, so I don't do it, and I am not in a relationship with or friends with people who would do so either. [/quote]

That’s fair.  
[/quote]

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