Reply to What age will you consider your kids "grown up" and no longer bail them out?

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Reply to "What age will you consider your kids "grown up" and no longer bail them out?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]For the scenario OP describes, never.  DH and I were both raised with the belief that you help family, including grown children.  In the absence of violence or addiction I would continue to help.[/quote]

It is funny though how addiction can just sneak up on you.  My cousin's DD was at an Ivy League school with a 3.9 GPA.  She was three weeks from graduation.  She accidentally OD'd.  Ended up in the hospital, fortunately not jail.  She'd been legitimately prescribed Percoset for severe pain.  After her scripts ran out, she started buying on the street, but my cousin and his wife never knew about the addiction problem.  They live across the country from the school, so they flew in when she was hospitalized and going thru detox.  She wouldn't let her parents see her.  Eventually, they talked her into going into a rehab program for young adults.  She bull shitted her way thru that program and was released early.  Back to using.  Another stint in rehab.  Back to using.  Another trip to rehab.  Lived in a sober living facility for several months.  She is finally clean, she is going to NA meetings.  She is tutoring and working in a bakery.  When or if she finishes her degree (it has been a year and a half) is unclear.  The addiction specialists my cousin and his wife were working with told them that if she uses again she is not allowed back into the house.  This was very difficult for them to hear.  Fortunately, they have not had to test that because she has been clean.

So on top of her tuition, they've paid about $100,000 in rehab costs (which they really don't have and some of which we loaned them the money for).  Was it worth it?  Yes, their DD is clean now.  But the DD knows that it is it.  No more bail outs.  None at all.  This seems to have been a wake up for her.

Before this, I would have said anything having to do with addiction was not something I would deal with.  We believe you help family and second chances are out there.  This went beyond second chances, but I think the money was well spent.  She's clean and I hope she stays that way.  She knows she is on her own from here on out.

Tough issues.[/quote]

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