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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]How many of these would you feel can be done as non-negotiables. 5??

These are family rituals we love, but while I love all of them, all of them is not doable. My kids love the idea of these things too. (Add in school, groceries, random sports meetings/games/events)

Bible app listening / spiritual discussion
Breakfast
Lunch
Dinner (no screens, connection)
3 of us want to strength train
Chores (15m or less)
Chore check (parent/kid accountability)
Homework
Reading
Consistent bedtime wind-down
Sleep / bedtime routine
Hug good night
Sunday: lay out clothes for the week[/quote]

Homework should be done before dinner.[/quote]

Tell us you have young kids without telling us you have young kids[/quote]

How do you define “young kids?”  My 11 year old 5th grader routinely has 3 hours of homework/studying per night.  Her parochial K-8 finishes at 3:15, she starts homework at 3:30, finishes at 6:30, and I serve dinner at 6:45.  Two nights a week she has dance class after dinner.  What’s wrong with her finishing her homework before dinner?  Do you think she’s not working hard enough and should do more homework after dinner?  Three hours seems fine to me.[/quote]

I'm not the person who asked that question, but I had the same thought.  I would consider a 5th grader, who is still in elementary school, to be a "young kid" in this circumstance, because middle school is when things really shift.

But even if we're comparing 5th graders to each other, my kids' extracurriculars were all after school.  We chose parochial in part because it offered CYO sports, and choir, and band with practice right after school.  Your schedule only works because your kid happens to have their EC's after dinner.  Our schedule with HW after dinner worked for us.  So, announcing that every family, regardless of whether their kid is in elementary school, or attends after care, or has EC's after school, should do HW after school is really closed minded.

I will also say that I would find out if your kid's friends are also spending three hours on homework, because to me that's a red flag.  Whether it's a red flag that you need to look into a new school, or into an evaluation for your kid would depend on what other people say.  Spending significantly longer than other kids on HW can be a red flag for learning disabilities, anxiety, inattentive ADHD, and slow processing.  [/quote]

I asked my daughter’s teacher back in September about the homework and she said, yeah, that’s how 5th grade is.  Her classmates are spending just as much time on homework and studying, so she’s not an outlier.  For the PP who said that things really changed in middle school—how so?  My DD’s parochial says that in the past, the jump from 5th to 6th was so hard that they’ve moved the jump from 4th to 5th instead (I don’t understand how that’s an improvement).  But anyhow, my comment was geared toward the PP who said only young children are able to finish homework by dinner time.  I don’t know that I consider my daughter a “young child,” but she does finish by dinnertime because that’s the schedule that works for us.  I don’t want her going to bed late in order to finish homework, so she does it right after school.[/quote]

Three hours of homework is not what I would choose for my kid, although it might just be this teacher.  Have you talked to parents who have kids in middle school at the school?  I think that separating the jump in work load, and the jump in executive functioning demands that comes from moving from a home room based model, to one where kids are changing classes, can make sense, but it may be that the 5th grade teacher is over correcting and things will be fine.

The big thing that changes around middle school is the extracurriculars.  Kids start joining school sports teams that practice in that 3 - 6 block, or play rehearsal every day etc . . .  Kids begin to have stronger opinions about what they want to do, and those things might not happen on a schedule that works to be home from 3:30 - 6:30 every day.

Also, kids may begin to have stronger opinions about who helps them with their work.  It seems like you might have a parent or childcare provider who is home by 3:15, which is a lovely thing to have, but it's not uncommon for kids to want to do certain assignments with a specific parent, or for the parents to have different strengths.  Since it's rare for a family to have both parents at home by 3:15, that might mean waiting to do other assignments.  In our family, for example, my DH who worked night shifts was the parent at home at 3:00.  But he's hopeless at math.  So, by middle school, my kid was saving his math work for me, and I got home later.

Again, there's nothing wrong with doing HW when you walk in the door.  But assuming that that's what works for every family, is absurd.  [/quote]

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