Reply to Spouse told me I’m the reason they’re depressed

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Reply to "Spouse told me I’m the reason they’re depressed"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My spouse started going to therapy to deal with some traumatic experiences and ptsd for a few months. It seemed to be helping with depressive episodes, but in a mundane disagreement about household renovations, that stopped and told me that [b]I’m the reason they’ve been depressed for years, and all of it is unrelated to ptsd. This was followed by minutes of them telling me how I’m a bully, they walk on egg shells around me, and life in fear that I’m going to be mad. Then says that the rest of the family is always happier when I’m not around. [/b]

I’m blindsided by this relevation and feel like an absolutely horrible and unwanted person.

I’ve been hiding my tears all weekend[b]. Meanwhile my spouse has been cheerful and now tells me they can’t live without me, complimenting my appearance and wants nothing more than to make it work.[/b]

Maybe I’m feeling overly emotional right now but this feels a little abusive. 
 [/quote]

A little abusive? It's textbook cycle of abuse

[img]https://www.domesticshelters.org/uploads/87BBB2D9-FFD8-4419-87A4-BC17349B8718.png[/img]
First there was probably tension building, though OP didn't identify it. Then this blow up incident. Then some sort of reconciliation ("I can't live without you," the appearance compliments, "I want nothing more than to make it work") and finally the calm of cheerful all weekend. Soon the tension will probably start to build again.

And OP, are you sure your spouse isn't engaging in [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO]DARO[/url] and turning around all the things [i]you[/i] have to do to deal with them on you? "I'm not depressed," (Deny the problem), "You're a bully" (Attack the person who is actually a victim), "I have to walk around on eggshells around you" (Reverse Victim and Offender)?

True abuse victims are picked because - research shows - they are kind people (even if abuse eventually warps them into angry people who resemble mean, crabby codependents). They often are more than willing to look at their lives and see where they contribute to the problems in the family system. OP does the bullying accusation ring true? Would your family of origin or a close friend recognize the possibility?

Or is it more likely that this accusation is actually abuse by your spouse?[/quote]

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