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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I mean this kindly, but seeking 100% custody and having a parent evaluator in your life is unlikely to get you anything more than 50% custody and has vastly increased the amount of stress in your life. I don’t know your situation, but if your position on custody became more flexible, do you think you could perhaps negotiate a divorce that would be smoother and be done faster? Given what you heard from the evaluator perhaps it is time to find a less stressful path.

And I’m very, very sorry if shared custody is a terrible outcome for your kids. I just think you may need to be more realistic about where your time could be best focused.[/quote]

I’ve desperately tried to negotiate with my DH from the day he filed. Unfortunately he filed for the evaluation hours after I submitted my response to his initial petition. His attorney only withdrew an emergency hearing motion for full custody and minimal child support when I signed off on the evaluation. He refused to discuss any other options.

It’s heartbreaking.

I understand that since he has initiated the evaluation, it is extraordinarily unlikely that anything short of 50/50 custody will happen and since he’s asking as a dad, it’s very possible that he will get far more than 50%. [b]I believe that the aggressive moves he’s making as a cover for some things he’s dealing with or has done, and it is very effective.[/b] I don’t even have future money to negotiate away- his salary makes mine insignificant so it’s not like I can say “just take everything” and get him to settle.

I wish that one person didn’t have the power to create a situation like this.[/quote]

Do the things "he's dealing with or has done" impact the kids? Can you prove that he's either dealing with them or has done them? Can  you prove the impact on the kids? If so, that's basically the only thing you need to focus on in a custody evaluation. Remember - if you can prove his actions hurt the kids, they kind of have to pay attention to that. Yes some evaluators will still push for 50-50, but then your lawyer works to discount their recommendation in court. And the more you can document/provide proof of the things that negatively impact the kids yourself, the less your lawyer has to do, the cheaper it is for you.[/quote]

With regards to what has affected the kids, yes, I have proof and their therapist and teachers and one of their a coaches and one of their pediatricians can also and will attest to it.

Unfortunately one of the evaluators comments to me was “well kids lie and yours are lying”. Perhaps they were trying to see how I would react, but I have a sense that they have decided to believe DH vs everyone else. It appears that the evaluator has selectively or not read everything they asked me to answer and so I think my efforts and those of my attorney will now center around their custody recommendation and unwinding that in court.

Sorry to keep the DH stuff vague but I’ll just say that I showed that DH is actively not doing the things that people said he needed to do long ago, but it appears that the evaluator has decided that issues surrounding multiple diagnoses, medication, medication use, etc all stem from fake diagnoses I forced him to get and that I somehow convinced multiple doctors to go along with it?! It’s crazy-making.

So now to add to my documentation I have been trying to remember every interaction with the evaluator and everything they said or didn’t say.[/quote]

Wait - did you send the evaluator to interview all those people who you said will attest to proof? Did the evaluator do so? Otherwise your attorney should be working danged hard to get that all documented to show the evaluator has issues.

Can you get access to your STBX's medical records (or has the evaluator gotten access) to see why the diagnoses were made? Could you get an additional evaluation ordered by the court to show that yes, those diagnoses really do apply and the evaluator is an idiot?

I'm sorry you drew a bad evaluator, and I know this is awful. When I'm in the middle of the crazy I just have to ask myself how important my kids' safety really is.

But if I'm reading your vague statements right, the poster who said you should just settle for 50/50 is a (possibly realistic) idiot. In cases of mental illness you may indeed unfortunately end up with 50/50 because family court can be a very messed up place. But you don't just let that happen to your kids when many, many people will attest it's not good for them. Not unless you literally can't afford it or something.[/quote]

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