Reply to Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?

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Reply to "Am I expected to set up my kids’ rooms at STBX’s house?"

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]STBX rented a big nice house. It has enough rooms for the kids to each have their own. But he hasn’t done anything to the rooms so they don’t stay over there.

He does not have a positive relationship with them. For their privacy, I’ll just say they’re in therapy for stuff he did before he moved out and that he has not attempted to address or repair.

My attorney insists I need to stay out of things, but does anyone else think I need to be proactive and send over stuff or prompt him to set up spaces for them? I don’t want to make things easier for him after how he’s acted, but I also don’t want to get in trouble for not being proactive or cooperative.

For what it’s worth, he makes 6-8x my salary and this is not a money or cash flow issue as far as I can tell. [/quote]

Can I just say that I doubt that the reason your kids don't want to stay is because of how the rooms are decorated.

He did things that led to them needing therapy, and has made no effort to repair the relationship.  That's why they don't want to visit.

It's possible that the kids are using the room as a reason, because it feels safer to say "We don't like our bedrooms" than "We don't like our Dad."

It's possible that dad is saying "I don't have rooms that are set up, so they can't come."  because it sounds better than "I don't like parenting."

It's also possible that the kids see his failure to set up the rooms as a symbol of his failure to parent them.  You setting the rooms up won't fix that either.

But I can pretty much guarantee that if they had warm relationships with Dad, and activities they enjoyed together to look forward to, they'd be more comfortable going.

Which is to say that the situation sucks, and I'm sorry you're in it, but fixing the rooms isn't the solution, because the rooms aren't really the problem. [/quote]
All of this.[/quote]

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