Reply to Fear of SA with men in the family

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]You are right to be concerned.
I wouldn’t want any man touching my child in anyway.[/quote]

What? Is the father not supposed to go near the child because you have hang-ups? This is a grandparent we are talking about, not some rando. The great majority of men are amazing. I can understand not wanting you older child to have a sleepover with males due to your experience, but no contact with males? That's crazy.[/quote]

Dads are okayish, but any other male (grandparent, uncle, brother, cousin), is a no. Them being family doesn’t really change anything. Being amazing doesn’t stop the fact that touch to men can mean many different things.[/quote]

I truly can't imagine feeling this way. I was very close with all members of my family- male and female, and grew up to trust that there were more safe people in the world than not. [/quote]

Same. How is OP’s child supposed to develop healthy relationships with males? [/quote]

By not getting molested, is the idea, I suppose. This behavior would read groomer if it were a neighbor or something, but it's normal innocent grandparent behavior. And yet lots of people are molested by grandparents. So. I don't know. OP comes off both entirely reasonable and insane to me![/quote]

TBH that's how I feel about myself!  Like I'm insane but also I know the statistics and I know it's rarely the creepy man in the ice cream truck [/quote]

But if you know the statistics, you should also know it’s more common for the abuser to be mom’s boyfriend or the child’s step dad, or a male relative by marriage (not by birth), like an uncle who married in. Or someone like a babysitter or a male relative of said babysitter. I’m not saying it’s never grandpa or whatever. But if your husband and your SIL vouch for him and don’t think he’s creepy, isn’t that a good thing? [/quote]

NP - You are wrong to leave out grandparents, especially granddads, as a common SA perpetrator.  I worked in child welfare for 15 years; yes, mom's boyfriend or child's stepdad ARE the #1 most common relationship to kids SA'd. But granddads are absolutely also a common relationship to the SA'd child.[/quote]

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